maybe baby…dilemma

May 6th, 2009

We’ve entered the whirl-wind of reproduction vs. adoption phase of marriage.

And contrary to what I was told at 15 ~ it’s not as easy to get pregnant as my mother claimed during my ragging hormonal phase in high school NOR is it easy to adopt because of the process, hoops and financial planning.

We’ve been “trying” since august ‘08 and never in my life have I been so frustrated and disappointed.

We’ve embraced the idea of adoption early in this mission because we both feel as if adoption fits our values, views and purpose in life.  However,  financially we are torn between waiting for our own baby to surface or loving a possible son or daughter brought into this world via a birth mother.  If money weren’t the issue we would be embracing domestic adoption 100% at this time.

With that said, I’m grateful that we still can adopt if we don’t become pregnant by end of summer but that doesn’t ease the monthly disappointment that I’ve become accustom to in trying to create our own healthy ~10 fingers / 10 toes.

Clearly, there are pro’s and con’s to both options but cycle after cycle I am starting to believe that my body doesn’t care for the 9 month womb idea.  Which is fine with me personally but bank statement wise it doesn’t seem to fit into our current budget.

So, in efforts to balance my down spirits and avoid the financial dilemma attached to the adoption route ~ I’ve been going to the gym 2-3 times a week with a trainer and been trying to balance out my qi with my acupuncturist.  In addition, I’m gradually eliminating stressors in my life and trying to reframe my outlook about this relatively new mind set.

Fingers-crossed that we discover answers or a positive pee-strip soon!

I don’t know how long I can go on with this constant phase of wonder met with disappointment ;(